I will be 50 next month. At 49, I see the long road ahead and behind me too. I see the wrong turns, U-turns, detours, sidetracks, backtracks and ruts I've landed in or chosen. I have only been married once and this one's moving into its 27the year. Many of the wear on my tires is due to marriage miles. Not necessarily because of the guy who wears my ring, but mostly due to the misnomers that I've believed about marriage. I guess you could say my expectations were wrong. Here's the best advice anyone has ever given me about marriage: change your mind and bite your tongue. Here's how it's worked for me.

  He comes down dressed for our date in his work boots because they are comfortable as he says, 'who knows if I might have to change a tire'. I'd have preferred something dressier and at one time would have made a federal case out of it. Bite your tongue.

  He throws a tantrum because he can't separate the coffee filters. I do not appreciate tantrums and at one time would have thrown one of my own. Bite your tongue.

  The trim he promised to install two years ago, is still not put up on the upstairs landing. Nag and whine? Tempting, but too much work. Bite my tongue. Until he scratches his ankle on the raw, untrimmed wood, then permit myself a smirk.

  He yells at me because he can't find his socks. Tell him what he can do with his socks or go in, open the drawer, pull them out. Or Bite my tongue and ignore till he gets the hint to ask nicely.

 While scolding me for 'taking the long way and wasting gas', he runs a stop sign. Protest, defend myself and pout?Heck no! Bite my tongue but laugh like crazy.

  He spends Saturday drinking beer and lounging when I wanted the porch painted. Empty the beer bottle down the drain? Nah--bite my tongue grab a glass of wine and join him.

  He's made supper and it's sausage. Again. Complain? I'll just bite my tongue and serve him chicken breasts and tuna casserole all next week.

  Don't get me wrong. I'm no saintly martyr. I find sweet, 'butter wouldn't melt in my mouth' women pretty sickening. I don't say that I can manage the 'bite my tongue' approach all the time. There's still a decent amount of the shrew left in me. I don't say that biting my tongue should be carte blanche. Sometimes, I should say something. I do know that I feel better when I don't waste time on complaining, tantrums, nagging and fighting. And what goes around, comes around. He's biting his tongue a lot more now, too. 

Celebrate (or Just Survive) Valentine's Day when You're Single

Valentine's Day is fine for happy, committed couples. A little kitschy, with the overemphasis on superficials. But Valentine's Day can be miserable if you're single or in a dissolving relationship. How do you celebrate (or just survive) a day devoted to romantic love when you're not in a romance? Here are tips.  How to Survive Valentine's Day Alone

How We Paid Off Our Wedding Without Incurring Debt

My husband and I are celebrating 25 years of wedded bliss this year. When we got married, we paid for the wedding, honeymoon and most of the reception ourselves. We came back from our honeymoon debt-free and I'm glad we did. Money woes are major relationship-killers. We have friends who were in divorce court before their wedding was paid off. Here are ways to avoid wedding debt. Read more

How We Got Cheap Wedding Rings (Romantically) Under $200

When we got married, my husband and I paid for our wedding and reception. To cut costs, we looked for cheap wedding rings. For less than $200 we bought an engagement ring, woman's wedding ring and man's wedding ring. And no, we didn't use pop tabs (that joke really dates me--pop tabs haven't been wedding ring size since the 80s!) Anyway, here's how. How We Got Cheap Wedding Rings (Romantically) Under $200

Meditations for OCD, Relationship Therapy

I'm a recovering obsessive-compulsive. My OCD can devastate my relationships if I let it (and it's pretty hard not to). It cramps intimacy and turns me into an irritable, irritating drone. Every case of OCD manifests itself a little differently--for me, time (or feeling the lack thereof) is a big OCD trigger. I'm consumed with urgency. I feel overwhelmed by responsibilities (many self-imposed). I'm driven by anxious thoughts that I'm behind and can't get caught up. If you struggle with OCD like this, here are some meditations I've developed. I repeat these when I feel an OCD mind-storm brewing. Meditations for Time-Driven Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder Thinking

Four Must-Have Relationship Rules of Engagement

Starting a relationship with significant other can bring much happiness. As with marriage, there's a honeymoon phase where you float above problems and always get along. But the honeymoon doesn't last forever. And if some ground rules are put in place early on, the relationship will crumble quickly. As the relationship progresses and depending on what level it gets to, more definition may be added. Here are some basic must-have ground rules to start with. Four Must-Have Relationship Rules of Engagement

How Addiction and Codependency Distort Relationships

Anyone who has lived with addiction of any kind knows that addictive behavior affects everyone around them in unhealthy ways. In some relationships, addiction creates a counter-condition called "codependency." A codependent makes unhealthy behavior changes to accommodate the addict. Codependency and addiction are equal and opposite in unhealthiness. They reflect imbalance and distortion in these areas. How Addiction and Codependency Distort Relationships

Relationship Reflections from 25 Years of (Pretty Much) Wedded Bliss

My husband and I are celebrating 25 years of (mostly) wedded bliss today. On July 18, 1987, I was going on 24 and he was going on 25. We were ignorant, idealistic and ridiculously romantic. A quarter of a century, we still are and I think that might be what's kept us together.

We've each only been married once, to each other, which makes us (some have told me) a rare breed. (I might say "more like a piece of work!"). We've been asked (I blush every time) for the secret of our success. I always quip "we fight all the time!" That's only partly jest. With four kids, money struggles, crazy schedules, work-a-holic tendencies, job woes, health setbacks, two lost babies, a old crumbling house, old cars (which we share) and a DIY-of-necessity lifestyle, I guess it's to be expected. And relationships get gritty in and of themselves without any help from outside stresses.Relationship Reflections from 25 Years of (Pretty Much) Wedded Bliss

How to argue, fight (safe and healthy) with your partner, spouse

There's a misnomer in parenting intelligentsia that mom and dad should never argue around the kids. This myth is not only unrealistic and unfair, it's unhealthy. Disagreements are normal. Kids need to see their parents squabble to learn communication and interaction skills. Obviously, there are cleaner ways to fight, but even messy battles provide learning opportunities. Here are some healthy "fight club" rules for parents.  Healthy 'fight club' rules for parents 

Levi Johnson Fathering Another Baby is No One's Business

 Levi Johnson, father of tea party figurehead Sarah Palin's grandson Tripp (with Palin's eldest Bristol), is fathering another child with his new girlfriend, Sunny Oglesby. I'm not sure what response the media expects of us: Shock, righteous indignation? The best I can muster is tepid apathy. The New York Daily News primly calls the pregnancy "out of wedlock." I don't think anyone is startled by revelations of babies born on the wrong side of the blanket. It's not like Johnson is a kid, either. The couple says they're happy. That's refreshing. With all the haranguing about abortion rights, you'd think pregnancy was some kind of randomly acquired infection. Levi Johnson Fathering Another Baby is No One's Business 

Michelle Duggar Unfairly Advocates Big Families

Is it wasteful to have a family of 21 in these times? No, according to Michelle Duggar, quiverful-mom of TLC's "19 Kids and Counting," because the population explosion is a myth. Duggar explained this in an interview with CBN's The 700 Club. I don't always see eye-to-eye with Jezebel, but I find myself nodding my head at their analysis that Michelle may not be seeing the big picture. Let me add that I'm sure the Duggars are lovely people-kind and loving. I just don't think they're being fair linking their larger-than-life family to God's blessings, when we all know their show nets them a lot of things that most large families couldn't afford. They also enjoy the support from many sources. There's a lot more that goes into caring for that large a family than what two parents could ever provide. Read more at  Michelle Duggar Unfairly Advocates Big Families

Why the Flap Over a Gay Marine's Homecoming Embrace Photo?

When gay marine Brandon Morgan posted a photo of him and his boyfriend Dalan Wells in a passionate kiss after Morgan's homecoming, I'm not sure what he expected. The hate comments probably weren't surprising nor was the fact it went viral, as The Lookout says. I'm not surprised; it was an intense kiss. That in itself engenders a lot of gawkers. Was it going overboard? Read more at Why the Flap Over a Gay Marine's Homecoming Embrace Photo?

Relationship Glue Recipe: How to Keep a Marriage or Any Relationship Solid

In a few months, I'll celebrate 25 years of marriage to my first and only husband. When people ask about our recipe for relationship glue, I point out that we've made every mistake in the book and probably invented some. The failures, especially those we knowingly committed (and learned from), have taught us much more than any successes, particularly accidental ones. These are our classic "been there, done that" communication mistakes, along with bits of wisdom we've gained from those mistakes. Read more at Relationship Glue Recipe: How to Keep a Marriage (or any Relationship) Solid

Post-Holiday Letdown and Relationship Health

It's one of life's enigmas; the winter holiday season, which is supposed to bring the greatest joy, sometimes causes more feelings of depression and anxiety. Emotional health emergencies are higher during the holidays and post-holiday letdown time. Relationships and marriages, says family therapist Rachel Sussman, often suffer holiday-related setbacks. Here's a look at holiday relationship issues, with some first-hand advice about ways to cope. Read more...

Michelle Duggar Miscarriage, Loses 20th Baby

Michelle Duggar Loses 20th Baby; Miscarriage Resources for Parents Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar, quiverfull parents of TLC's "19 and Counting" lost their 20th child. A 19-week ultrasound detected no heartbeat and the Duggars have opted to let the miscarriage occur naturally, says People magazine. Here are stillborn-infant and miscarriage information for parents. Medicine Net says 60 percent to 70 percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage. Most occur before 13 weeks and many before mom knows she's conceived. Despite it's commonness, miscarriage, is one of the most guilt-producing events in parenting. Read more...

Romantic Gifts for Husbands, Boyfriends and Lovers - Associated Content from Yahoo! - associatedcontent.com

Best Gifts for Husbands, Boyfriends and Lovers We women often complain that our men aren't romantic. And then we buy them a tie and a wrench set for Christmas. If you want to light your man's romantic fire this holiday season, you need the right fuel. Here are romantic gifts for husbands, boyfriends and lovers. I've said this to men buying gifts for wives and girlfriends, and I'll repeat it to women buying gifts for husbands and boyfriends: do not buy gifts that represent work (appliances, tools). Do you want him to buy you a vacuum for Christmas? Also, do not buy your man a gift that you want him to use, but he will hate (aka a tie, tickets to the opera). This is a gift you would like. You have to buy him what he would like. Do you want him to give you season passes to the Possum Lodge Beer-a-thon? I thought not. The best way to shop for your guy is to get inside his head. Read more...

Sensual Gothic Victorian Pre-Raphaelite Ghost Halloween Costume Guide

Gothic Victorian Pre-Raphaelite Ghost Halloween Costume DIY Guide Zombies are not a new invention. They've walked the pages of horror fiction for centuries. The undead have plagued generations of Devil's night, Samhain and Walpurgis revelers. Looking to recreate some of those vintage creeps of yore? Here's a DIY guide to make Gothic Revival Victorian costumes for women. Originally, "Gothic" didn't mean the same thing as the "Goth" styles (black hair, dark clothing, vampiric overtones) of today. Gothic referred to a high medieval architectural style. Modern Goths are a throwback to the Gothic Revival (mid 1700s to early 1900s). They are influenced by the Victorians' dark obsession with rigid morality, morbidity and sexual frustration. Pre-Raphaelites opposed this hypocrisy and focused on innocent sensuality. Read on...

Parents Sound Off About Transgender Chaz Bono Dancing with Lacey Schwimmer on DWTS

Transgender Chaz Bono Dances with Lacey Schwimmer on DWTS? Chaz Bono, formerly Chastity, child of Sonny and Cher, underwent gender reassignment surgery. Chaz is pairing with Lacey Schwimmer on "Dancing with the Stars". Some viewers have complained, saying children shouldn't be subjected to transgender agenda . Do these viewers speak for everyone? Here are parent responses. Read on...

More (Yes, Again) Nude Photos for Vanessa Hudgens

More Nude Photos for Vanessa Hudgens? Methinks the Lady Protest too Much Every time Vanessa Hudgens makes news it seems to be connected with nude photo leaks. In 2007, the underage Disney star took some photos of herself naked. In 2009 and 2011, more nude photos emerged. Sunbathing topless, Hudgens was caught by some giggling camera-wielding teenage boys.

Hudgens was soaking up some Hollywood sun in her uber-private backyard. The former High School Musical star, sunning herself sans bikini top, looked up in time to spot the would-be paparazzi. Covering herself with her hands, Vanessa managed to get inside before the boys could get yet another round of nude photos. Every time I read about Hudgens nude photos, I don't think "again?" I think "still?" Methinks the lady doth protest (and go unclad) too much. Read more...

Jessica Simpson Breast Reduction Surgery; Her Dad Did Not Say That, Did He? - Associated Content from Yahoo! - associatedcontent.com

Jessica Simpson Breast Reduction Surgery; Her Dad Did Not Say That, Did He? Jessica Simpson was considering breast reduction surgery. The well-endowed actress turned country singer has pretty much decided against surgery, but if she did, you'd expect that her dad, a ex-minister would be encouraging. Instead, he bragged about his daughter's ample chest. I'm still in shock. Read more...