I will be 50 next month. At 49, I see the long road ahead and behind me too. I see the wrong turns, U-turns, detours, sidetracks, backtracks and ruts I've landed in or chosen. I have only been married once and this one's moving into its 27the year. Many of the wear on my tires is due to marriage miles. Not necessarily because of the guy who wears my ring, but mostly due to the misnomers that I've believed about marriage. I guess you could say my expectations were wrong. Here's the best advice anyone has ever given me about marriage: change your mind and bite your tongue. Here's how it's worked for me.

  He comes down dressed for our date in his work boots because they are comfortable as he says, 'who knows if I might have to change a tire'. I'd have preferred something dressier and at one time would have made a federal case out of it. Bite your tongue.

  He throws a tantrum because he can't separate the coffee filters. I do not appreciate tantrums and at one time would have thrown one of my own. Bite your tongue.

  The trim he promised to install two years ago, is still not put up on the upstairs landing. Nag and whine? Tempting, but too much work. Bite my tongue. Until he scratches his ankle on the raw, untrimmed wood, then permit myself a smirk.

  He yells at me because he can't find his socks. Tell him what he can do with his socks or go in, open the drawer, pull them out. Or Bite my tongue and ignore till he gets the hint to ask nicely.

 While scolding me for 'taking the long way and wasting gas', he runs a stop sign. Protest, defend myself and pout?Heck no! Bite my tongue but laugh like crazy.

  He spends Saturday drinking beer and lounging when I wanted the porch painted. Empty the beer bottle down the drain? Nah--bite my tongue grab a glass of wine and join him.

  He's made supper and it's sausage. Again. Complain? I'll just bite my tongue and serve him chicken breasts and tuna casserole all next week.

  Don't get me wrong. I'm no saintly martyr. I find sweet, 'butter wouldn't melt in my mouth' women pretty sickening. I don't say that I can manage the 'bite my tongue' approach all the time. There's still a decent amount of the shrew left in me. I don't say that biting my tongue should be carte blanche. Sometimes, I should say something. I do know that I feel better when I don't waste time on complaining, tantrums, nagging and fighting. And what goes around, comes around. He's biting his tongue a lot more now, too. 

Celebrate (or Just Survive) Valentine's Day when You're Single

Valentine's Day is fine for happy, committed couples. A little kitschy, with the overemphasis on superficials. But Valentine's Day can be miserable if you're single or in a dissolving relationship. How do you celebrate (or just survive) a day devoted to romantic love when you're not in a romance? Here are tips.  How to Survive Valentine's Day Alone

Teaching kids proactive decision-making skills

One of my biggest regrets in parenting is that I didn't always think through the consequences of certain choices. I don't expect to be able to predict the future, but I wish I'd been less impetuous. To that end, I'm rethinking ways to mindfully parent kids so they learn healthier decision-making skills. Here are tips to do that. Teaching kids proactive decision-making skills

Meditations for OCD, Relationship Therapy

I'm a recovering obsessive-compulsive. My OCD can devastate my relationships if I let it (and it's pretty hard not to). It cramps intimacy and turns me into an irritable, irritating drone. Every case of OCD manifests itself a little differently--for me, time (or feeling the lack thereof) is a big OCD trigger. I'm consumed with urgency. I feel overwhelmed by responsibilities (many self-imposed). I'm driven by anxious thoughts that I'm behind and can't get caught up. If you struggle with OCD like this, here are some meditations I've developed. I repeat these when I feel an OCD mind-storm brewing. Meditations for Time-Driven Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder Thinking

The Importance of Boundaries and Road Signs in Relationships

Navigating relationships with significant others or spouses is a lot like driving on back roads. There are few stoplights, street markers or warnings posted. You only know you're in a blind alley, pitfalls or wrong turn when it's too late. In relationships, the only warning signs are those partners erect themselves and, as with traffic signals,they're usually not erected until an accident has occurred.  The Importance of Boundaries and Road Signs in Relationships

How Addiction and Codependency Distort Relationships

Anyone who has lived with addiction of any kind knows that addictive behavior affects everyone around them in unhealthy ways. In some relationships, addiction creates a counter-condition called "codependency." A codependent makes unhealthy behavior changes to accommodate the addict. Codependency and addiction are equal and opposite in unhealthiness. They reflect imbalance and distortion in these areas. How Addiction and Codependency Distort Relationships

Relationship Reflections from 25 Years of (Pretty Much) Wedded Bliss

My husband and I are celebrating 25 years of (mostly) wedded bliss today. On July 18, 1987, I was going on 24 and he was going on 25. We were ignorant, idealistic and ridiculously romantic. A quarter of a century, we still are and I think that might be what's kept us together.

We've each only been married once, to each other, which makes us (some have told me) a rare breed. (I might say "more like a piece of work!"). We've been asked (I blush every time) for the secret of our success. I always quip "we fight all the time!" That's only partly jest. With four kids, money struggles, crazy schedules, work-a-holic tendencies, job woes, health setbacks, two lost babies, a old crumbling house, old cars (which we share) and a DIY-of-necessity lifestyle, I guess it's to be expected. And relationships get gritty in and of themselves without any help from outside stresses.Relationship Reflections from 25 Years of (Pretty Much) Wedded Bliss

How Addiction and Codependency Distort Relationships

Anyone who has lived with addiction of any kind knows that addictive behavior affects everyone around them in unhealthy ways. In some relationships, addiction creates a counter-condition called "codependency." A codependent makes unhealthy behavior changes to accommodate the addict. Codependency and addiction are equal and opposite in unhealthiness. They reflect imbalance and distortion in these areas.   How Addiction and Codependency Distort Relationships

How to argue, fight (safe and healthy) with your partner, spouse

There's a misnomer in parenting intelligentsia that mom and dad should never argue around the kids. This myth is not only unrealistic and unfair, it's unhealthy. Disagreements are normal. Kids need to see their parents squabble to learn communication and interaction skills. Obviously, there are cleaner ways to fight, but even messy battles provide learning opportunities. Here are some healthy "fight club" rules for parents.  Healthy 'fight club' rules for parents 

How My OCD Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder Affects My Relationships

 The term OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder) is often used to describe perfectionist behavior. While people with OCD may just seem overly organized, Medscape says OCD behavior stems from pervasive psychological pain, anxiety and "distressing intrusive obsessive thoughts."

Intrusive and distressing, these thoughts certainly are. I wasn't diagnosed with OCD until adulthood, but I recognize now that I've had OCD since early childhood. Here's a picture of what OCD feels to me and how it affects my relationship with my husband, kids and loved ones. Hopefully, this insight will help you if you're living with a person with OCD or if you experience it yourself. I've included ideas on what's helped me, too. How I Experience and Cope with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder 

Relationship Glue Recipe: How to Keep a Marriage or Any Relationship Solid

In a few months, I'll celebrate 25 years of marriage to my first and only husband. When people ask about our recipe for relationship glue, I point out that we've made every mistake in the book and probably invented some. The failures, especially those we knowingly committed (and learned from), have taught us much more than any successes, particularly accidental ones. These are our classic "been there, done that" communication mistakes, along with bits of wisdom we've gained from those mistakes. Read more at Relationship Glue Recipe: How to Keep a Marriage (or any Relationship) Solid

Post-Holiday Letdown and Relationship Health

It's one of life's enigmas; the winter holiday season, which is supposed to bring the greatest joy, sometimes causes more feelings of depression and anxiety. Emotional health emergencies are higher during the holidays and post-holiday letdown time. Relationships and marriages, says family therapist Rachel Sussman, often suffer holiday-related setbacks. Here's a look at holiday relationship issues, with some first-hand advice about ways to cope. Read more...

Nick Jonas, Miley Cyrus--Sex, Scandal and Growing Up too Fast

Nick Jonas, Miley Cyrus--What Happened to Those Disney Kids? Nick Jonas and Miley Cyrus: what do they have in common? Former Disney stars, formerly in a relationship, now making headlines with their love interests. Jonas takes his girlfriend to Mexico. Miley admits to experimenting with sex. These kids are minors and mostly living living at home. Does being a celebrity make you immune to rules of growing up? Does it nullify parent rules? Does working in Hollywood mean make you mature faster? Are some of these relationships too much, too fast? Read more...

Best Romantic Valentine's Day Gifts for Girlfriends, Wives and Lovers

Men often put off shopping for Valentine's Day gifts for their sweethearts. At the last minute, they grab chocolates and flowers. Boring. Here are Valentine gift suggestions for her that will delight. There are two

 important rules of thumb to remember when shopping for women. First, we can spot a 'quick grab' gift with no thought involved a mile away. Click here...

"Sexy Period" Underwear Help Women Enjoy Intimacy During Their Period

Listening to NPR, I heard a Q & A about an exciting new product, developed by two Brown University marketing students. Julie Sygiel and Eunice Png have invented "Sexy Period" underwear. The purpose is prevent period blood spills from damaging clothes. Read on...

Romantic Date Ideas for Valentine's Day: Ice-Skating

Ice Skating and Princess Diana at Rosa Parks Circle and Grand Rapids Art Museum .

Smack dab downtown Grand Rapids, on the Monroe St. Plaza at Pearl St. winter fun finds a home at the Rosa Parks Ice Skating Rink. The ice rink is operated by the Grand Rapids Art Museum, currently hosting the Princess Di exhibit, "Diana - A Celebration". Read on...

Easy, Inexpensive Handmade Spa Bath and Massage Gift Basket - Associated Content from Yahoo! - associatedcontent.com

Easy, Inexpensive Handmade Spa Bath and Massage Gift Basket - Associated Content from Yahoo! - associatedcontent.com Great guide to make the perfect intimate gift for your girlfriend, wife or lover. Complete diy guide to make a spa kit or bath set that fits every budget.

Mel and Robyn Gibson + Oksana Grigorevia Divorce Triangle: Baby Lucia?

Mel and Robyn Gibson Divorce Settlement: Good Will Assets and Oksana Grigorieva Baby Lucia
As settlement for Mel and Robyn Gibson's divorce nears completion, several issues are still in question. Will Icon Trust, Mel and Robyn's children's trust fund cover Oksana Grigorieva's baby Lucia. Do 'good will assets' mean Robyn gets less support?
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Hot Halloween 2010 Costumes: Lady Gaga, Alice in Wonderland

Top Halloween 2010 Costumes: Lady Gaga, Toy Story 3, Twilight, Despicable Me
Ah Halloween. That time when we let our inhibitions down and raid the dress up box for the perfect Halloween costume. I write extensively about Halloween and follow trends Here's what's hot for for Halloween 2010 costumes: children, adult, couples, group. Also, I forgot to add that Alice in Wonderland will be uber hot for 2010.
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What to Do if Your Partner is Cheating on You? Infidelity and Unfaithfulness

What to Do If Your Spouse is Cheating on You
Cheating and infidelity in relationships are unpleasant subjects. Infidelity is terminal cancer to a relationship. What should you do if you find out that your spouse is cheating? What steps can you take to care for yourself? Should you get a divorce?
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